I Am a Child of God - Kevin

No account of my journey of faith can be complete without relating what role my son has played in this journey.


My son Kevin has multiple disabilities, both physical and intellectual. For a pregnant woman, exposure to German Measles is VERY serious. In the first trimester of pregnancy it can cause deformities and many other health problems. In my case, I actually had the disease. It was not until significantly after Kevin’s birth that I discovered he was severely hearing impaired, had cerebral palsy and was intellectually challenged. Other conditions that often go along with congenital rubella syndrome developed over the years and he has battled and conquered cancer but Kevin has remained cheerful, positive and willing to give everyone a chance to get to know him. He just plain loves everyone automatically unless they give him a reason to do otherwise and, even then, he tends to not be able to understand why he can’t be friends and his feelings get hurt. He has inspired me and literally transformed me.


Over the years, attending church with Kevin sometimes became problematic. This coincided with his disabilities becoming more obvious and parishioners and sometimes clergy and staff becoming less comfortable with his presence. In addition, the fact that he is non-verbal has become more of an issue. It is admittedly challenging to communicate with someone who cannot "talk" back ......challenging but not impossible.

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Mind you, over the years there have also been some touching examples of compassion and acknowledgement of the fact that Kevin is a child of God with the right to the same respect of anyone. He once had a seizure during a service. We were seated near the back of the church we were attending because he was having seizures often enough at that point that I knew there was always a possibility and acted accordingly. Two gentlemen discretely came over and helped me get him out of his wheelchair and on the floor where he was safer. When he was recovered, they helped me get him back in his chair and out to the car. As for the rest of the parishioners, a few of them fairly close to us glanced at us not with curiosity or disdain but with a “Let us know if you need help” look and then went back to what they were doing. That, my friends, was Christianity in action and I will never forget the general feeling of acceptance at that church even though we parted company on doctrinal grounds.


I feel the need to introduce Kevin to my readers because his acceptance or sometimes lack thereof has shaken my faith at times and I have left churches when I felt he was being rejected regardless of whether I believed the theology because attending services or mass should never be an uncomfortable experience. I am a mama bear where he is concerned and, regardless of my beliefs, will NOT allow him to be hurt. What does he need to make church attendance a positive experience?


- He do not need to be the center of attention.
- He does not need to be treated like a child. He is an adult and wishes to be spoken to as such.
- He wants to feel accepted and treated like any other parishioner



If you have persons with disabilities at the church where you attend, think of how your actions and attitudes effect their journey of faith and that of their parents and possible siblings. It may be a trite expression but think of "What would Jesus do?" Do not stare or say anything hurtful that can be overheard by them. If a situation is observed that may require assistance, offer assistance if you feel comfortable with that but do not “take over” and actually make the situation worse. Had that happen to us this weekend and the more the person interfered, the more upset Kevin got to the point that I had to take him home since she decided he should not be allowed back in the church..


If I sound bitter, I probably am. I have a lifetime of feeling Kevin was being rejected and no parent likes to feel that. My problem in the past has been transferring that bitterness to God and he is not responsible for the actions of his children. That’s progress for me. He is not responsible for the shortcomings of His children (most definitely including mine). My cherished son has always been the light of my life and he has taught me more about faith than you can imagine. My hope is that those around him can allow him to teach them too.

So Who is God Anyway and How Do We Get Reacquainted?

First, I HAVE to tell you that I am not even close to being theologically trained. Anything I say is what I’ve come to understand through reading the scriptures and then praying or, as I like to think about it, talking to God. Also understand that I speak of God in the vernacular. I acknowledge that there is a place for reverence and proper language in the liturgy but I cannot be anyone other than who I amt. If I use modern terminology, it is with all due respect and He knows that. My prayers are more likely to begin with the words of Judy Blume, well known children’s author: “Hello God, it’s me”


So, you’re meeting for coffee with a friend and you tell them you just got engaged to a wonderful man but the friend acts shocked and says they didn’t even know that you were dating. You tell them you weren’t ….that you just met. Sound logical? Not to me. Before you make a commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone, you take the time to get to know them and insure that they’re your soul mate and someone you would want to spend your life with. Why should it be any different with a relationship with God? One of the mistakes I’ve made in the past is making a commitment to a religion without getting to know God and then I wondered why the relationship I had with that religion failed? My reasons for doing so will be covered in a future blog entry but suffice it to say that this time I am putting the emphasis on getting to know God and returning to where I last felt I knew him.


I was once close him. But, as a wise friend quoted to me “If you’re further away from God today than you were yesterday, who moved?”. It wasn’t him. It was me and, like a broken relationship with a spouse or once close friend, I’m rebuilding that relationship and my religion is a way to do that.


When you think about it, look at any individual living or dead and there will be a multitude of opinions as to who he/ she is, what they have done with their life, how they have effected the world, etc. . There are some things though which cannot be debated. Person X has a specific set of parents, was born in a certain place, may have siblings, etc. The only thing that can change is how we view that person and their activities, relationships, etc.


It’s really no different with God. Some folks who don’t really understand who he is refer to him as their higher power. Many faiths also do not believe that Jesus was the son of God but most believe that Jesus walked this earth and had some kind of great impact on it. They know he existed historically but just aren’t sure who he is. The Christian viewpoint is that he was the son of God the Father so therefore of divine nature. Christians are monotheistic so to us God is one of a kind ….none before and none after. He always was. He just didn’t take physical form until Jesus was born of Mary 2,000 years ago in Bethlehem. He was never a human like you or I and we can NEVER become like him. Although I have a grasp of the basic about who God is, I’ve paid too much attention to what others tell me about him and not enough time finding out myself. It’s not that others don’t have their own close relationship with God or don’t know who he is. I need something more personal, the kind of relationship encouraged by evangelical churches. Someone else can introduce you. You have to do the relationship building yourself.


But, don’t take my word for it. Do as I say not as I did. Blind acceptance leads to a weak faith. Get to know him yourself by reading the Bible and how it defines the nature of Jesus. If you are not Christian, you will not acknowledge the Bible as an authority but at least read with an open mind to understand how Christians define him. I’ve enjoyed reading the scriptures of other faiths and understanding what they believe as an exercise in understanding. Sometimes we fear and fight what we do not understand. Understanding may not result in acceptance but it will at least dispell misunderstandings. Believe me, this is all I’m looking for. I am not proselytizing. That is not my cup of tea and, in the past, it‘s often sent me in the opposite direction when I experienced it.


Over the years, I lost contact with him. Although he never changed and was still following what I was up to, I ceased communicating and, like when we lose contact with an earthly friend, the process has begun towards getting reacquainted. In terms of earthly relationships, I’m like the person who lost contact with a dear friend and just made contact again . You know who the old friend is and you know that you still care about each other but have some catching up to do. You want to reestablish the friendship and you want to think through why you lost contact In the first place and what you can do to make sure the friendship is on solid ground again and whatever separated you in the first place is dealt with and doesn‘t happen again.

And here I am at the stage of saying “Hello God, can we talk? Sorry I haven’t been contacting you as much as I should. I want to get reacquainted. OK ?”

In the Beginning

They say that getting there is half the fun. I'm here to tell you that it has been interesting but not so sure about the fun. Being on a faith journey may be edifying to some but I have always found it to be frustrating, confusing and sometimes annoying. I felt like the little kid going on a vacation with their parents who keeps asking "Are we there yet?" Various stops along the way may be enjoyable. They may make new friends and have pleasant experiences that they will remember for a lifetime but they know they’re “not there yet”



64 years ago, I was born into a family that that was Christian but not all of the same denomination. Mom had been raised Catholic and dad was Anglican (Episcopal for you American readers). When they married, she became an Anglican for him and spent all of her adult life as an Anglican even teaching Sunday school for many years. She took me to church and made sure I was baptized and confirmed in her adopted religion (not to be confused with faith) but, at the same time, she sent me to a catholic girls’ school and encouraged me to attend mass whenever I expressed interest. That’s probably where the religious confusion began.



There are different denominations of Christianity for a reason. Although there was only one when it all began over 2,000 years ago, somewhere along the line, religious differences started to occur which resulted in schisms and new churches. So here I am in a Catholic school voluntarily taking religious education while attending an Anglican church regularly. That can mess with a person’s religious identity to the point that a person can have trouble deciding which pew they belong in.



I think secretly my mother always hoped that one of her four children would convert and become a Catholic. Although she never had a bad word to say about the Anglican church, when I got old enough, I could see that she had some regrets and never totally gave up her beliefs and practices. In her last years, she had Alzheimer’s and didn’t know who many of her family were or would think that her adult children were young children come to play with her. Despite all that, I had a dear Anglican minister visit her to bring her communion and, when he finished his prayers, she made the sign of the cross. That’s not an Anglican practice.




So, here I am as a sweet young thing of 64 and finally realizing some things about who I am, who God is, where I belong and where I need to go from here. Not everyone’s life journey will follow the same path. In some ways, my life experiences have damaged my faith in ways that they shouldn’t have and sent me in directions that have not been faith building.



I hope that you will follow my rambling journey home. The thing about feeling you’re home is that home can have it’s own set of issues but deep down you know it’s home, you’re happy to be there and you think that any bumps in the road are worth working on.